Our fate is sealed

This is a Voice from Israel from somewhere in the Mediterranean

Here is the news.

We are ecstatic to announce that the walls have been completed.

Again, we repeat, the walls of Israel have been completed, covering seven thousand nine hundred and ninety two square miles, not including, of course East Jerusalem, Judea, Samaria and Gazza.

This afternoon, shortly before this broadcast, the last hole in the huge ceiling was covered with concrete.

We now switch live to the Prime Minister, broadcasting from somewhere else in the world:

Fellow citizens, this is a day, which will live forever in history. Our security, and the security of our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are assured. Suicide bombers, missile attacks, and all terrorism are events of the past. No person, no enemy, no state, can threaten Israel’s security. My fellow citizens, we are now safe.

I know there are those who objected, but a short glance back will prove our point.

The policy of fences and walls began as a post-Oslo procedure, intending to guarantee the lives of our brethren in Yesha. True, we signed a peace treaty with our neighbors, but there were isolated masses of terrorists who refused to accept the new era of mutual coexistence. Their tiny but massive opposition to reach a negotiated agreement left us no choice but to find a way to protect ourselves. The best way was to keep the terrorists out. In Yesha we attempted to accomplish this by walling in the various communities. This was fine until the Israelis took to the streets, I mean, traveled from place to place. The streets too were vulnerable so we built them bypass roads. When that didn’t work we built them tunnels.

However, our other cities, including Jerusalem were still under attack by the miniscule massive Arab minority opposing our good-will gestures towards a comprehensive settlement. So we had no choice but to first, fence in, and then wall in our capital, protecting it from unthinkable acts of barbarism. Unfortunately that attempt too was unsuccessful with the unimaginable occurring. Arabs holding Israeli citizenship, having been brainwashed by those few PA warmongers began participating in brutal attacks against our citizens, leaving us no choice but to close down the center of the city. The national debate concerning the exact borders of the Jerusalem city center reached such proportions that for an extended period of time the entire city was declared to be totally off-limits to all Israelis and tourists. As a good will gesture, we decided to leave the city open to Arabs who agreed to sign a peace pact with Israel.

The walling of Petach Tikva, Kfar Saba, and Haifa, led to major catastrophes in Tel Aviv. Then the infamous children’s rebellion broke out, when bicycle-riding throughout the country was outlawed, due to suicide bicycle attacks in major population centers. The regrettable results of that that revolt caused Israeli leaders to think long and hard about a permanent solution, leading to the decision to wall in Israel.

Such a decision was not easy to make, but was facilitated by allowing active population participation. The national contest, “Name the Wall,” broadcast daily and nightly on Israel radio, won international acclaim. It was too bad that our popular radio announcers fought each other tooth and nail to broadcast the show. In the end, as you all know, the show was aired from the Knesset with the Knesset speaker hosting the program, refusing to relinquish his chair until a suitable name was declared the winner.

When it came down to the nitty-gritty, and two names were left on the ballot, the Knesset almost exploded, but finally it was decided to let the people choose. In a national referendum the name, “Back to the Ghetto” won overwhelmingly over the other choice, “Continue the Hope.”

So, Back to the Ghetto it was.

Construction of such a wall, excuse me, ghetto, no, don’t get me wrong, the ghetto wall, around an entire state, is a humongous job. The first major task was to determine the borders of the back to the ghetto wall. It was immediately decided not to include Judea, Samaria and Gazza, so as to keep the anim.. terrorists out. But then our neighbors demanded borders acceptable to UN resolution 181, leaving Beer-Sheva outside the wall. Finally, in a dramatic compromise it was decided to split Beer Sheva in half, thereby preventing another bloody conflict.

The last, and most important factor, was the western border. Some believed that the back to the ghetto wall should be built on the beach. Our neighbors asked that the beach be left for them. And yet others insisted that we should use our legitimate international rights, building the wall 20 miles out into the sea.

Unable to make a decision acceptable to everyone, Israel agreed to international arbitration, which determined that the real border was at least 20 miles inland, to which Israel was amenable.

The actual building was a tremendous undertaking. All citizens were drafted, from five years of age and up. Block upon block, stone upon stone, day after day, week after week, month following month, and at long last, the back to ghetto wall was concluded. The laying of the ceiling was an engineering feat of genius. Thousands of huge pillars were erected around Israel in order to hold up the roof.

Of course a major crisis erupted when the plans showed a pillar to be constructed above the former Temple Mount, but Israel conceded without a fight.

And now, at long last, the one and only entrance is about to be closed. No longer will terrorists find a way to harm us.  Some of our brothers and sisters, trying to take the easy way out, have jumped ship and are taking refuge in the sea, (of course, outside the 20 mile limits.) I myself have decided to take up temporary residence in Micronesia, whose people have so generously agreed to rename their capital, previously known as Palikir, to Jerusalem. I vow stay here only until we can again break down the back to the ghetto walls.

Until then, our fate is sealed.

With blessings from Hebron,

This is David Wilder