And now, live from the gas chambers

The year was 1944. Things weren’t going well for the Germans. The western allies, led by the United States and Russia, were on their way to victory. Hitler knew he had to do something fast, anything, to turn the tide of imminent defeat.

At a meeting with his Supreme Council, Hitler looked around the room, from person to person, from General to General, his glassy-eyed stare penetrating their souls. “What are you going to do?” “How will you prevent the fall of the third reich?” “And what about me – how will I remain leader of the German people?”

One of the younger officers glanced at his leader, as if wanting to say something, but quickly looked away. How could he, a junior officer, dare open his mouth in front of the Fuehrer? But Hitler noticed the movement and jumped. “You, you have an idea. What is it What do you suggest?”

Speaking in almost a whisper, the young officer began. “No, speak louder. I want everyone to hear what you have to say. What is it?”

The officer began again, his voice quivering, but speaking a little louder. “Well, what is it the Third Reich has accomplished that all good Germans, and many others around the world can support and appreciate?”

“What, what do you mean,” demanded Hitler.

“I think we must use what is called ‘public relations.’ We must advertise ourselves, we must publicize the good we are doing for mankind, showing all people the positive aspects of our rule.”

Hitler looked puzzled. He thought to himself, “‘Good?’ – the ‘good’ we are doing for mankind? – what is the definition of ‘good.'” But then, suddenly he understood. “Ah yes – they must believe that we are helping them, when really, they are serving us. “Excellent.  So what do you suggest?”

“Well, what is it all people can agree on – what service are we providing mankind?”

All looked at each other and then, down at the table, not daring to look towards their leader. Again, the junior officer cleared his throat, and all looked at him. “Yes, yes, what is it?”

“What about the Jews?”

“The Jews – what about the Jews?”

“Begging your pardon, but don’t all agree that the extermination of the Jews is a grand service to the world. They have plagued our existence for much too long. Our camps are purifying the world, ridding a malignant disease from our planet.”

“We have seen no resistance, no attempts to destroy the camps, to stop the trains. Our intelligence shows that the enemy is aware of the extermination, yet they do not object. They haven’t shown any inclination to prevent termination of the Jews.”

“Civilian populations also know what is happening, yet they are turning a blind eye, making believe that the stories are false, ignoring the facts.”

“This leads me to believe that an overwhelming majority of the human race supports our efforts to bring an end to the existence of Jews. This being the case, we must take advantage of world support, and prove to them that we will continue down the same path following our victory over the west. We must show them that our way is, simply and purely, better.”

“Yes, but how? What do you suggest?”

Well, you know, the Americans and the Europeans are great fans of sport. They attend mass sporting events and follow them in the cinema. Perhaps we could broadcast, directly from the camps, showing the world exactly what we are doing, and advertise our plans for the future. We could provide a list of the impurities populating the world, and announce publicly, that one after another, they will be ‘taken care of,’ just as we are doing to the Jews. Therefore no one will be able to accuse us of clandestine activities – it will all be out in the open – and it will be broadcast before the eyes of the world. I’m sure, that once people all over the world see what we are doing, they will give us their full support. The war will come to an immediate end and we will be victorious. The Third Reich will live forever.”

Hitler scratched his head, looked from side to side, and then at the speaker. “You mean, we should film the camps and publicize the movies?”

“Yes, yes, it will be like a great sporting event. We can broadcast in the cinema and on radio. Once our plan is known and advertised, the people of the world will thank us. We will be victorious.”

Hitler looked around at the others sitting around the table. “What do you think?” No one answered. “Well,” Hitler said, “I think it’s a creative and unique idea, worth a try. However, I have one demand. I want to be the announcer during the movie, describing what is happening, giving a full explanation of each stage of the events.”

The meeting came to an end and most of the officers left the room. Hitler called over a senior officer and asked him, “Tell me, who was that junior officer with the excellent idea?”

“Oh,him, his name is Scheinermann…